1.
! NOT THE DIFFICULT ONE !
I should have swallowed that laugh right down or saved it for later, at least and I wondered on repeat over the following hours what the wreckage would be for that. It wasn't, by far, the first time that he'd said something along those lines but it caught me less-than-ready.
"Yeah, alright!? Making out that I'm the problematic one…"
He mocked with a forced chuckle and whispery but definite snarl.
I’ve heard a few times via different media that to learn who controls you, you look to who you’re not allowed to criticise. And here we have the strutting, puffed-chest statement in response to my unguarded laugh at his claim of being super-duper-helpful-whenever-however-possible-and-not-just-as-and-when-to-try-and-get-what-he-wants.
From someone who declines to keep a routine with the children, doesn’t phone them between time with them, has gone for weeks without reaching out to or about them, multiple times. Who also refuses to commit ahead of time to booking any time off (as the boss, who writes all of the staff rotas…) to share care of them over the holidays.
And so obviously, seeking extra help for this reason while I was moving house and settling into a new job = "sending the kids away to (my) mental family" and "keeping them from him”.
Un-Riddle Me That?
Restrained aggression and a throaty bit of disdain towards me could be heard there, too. John's words salted the air in a very particular, haughty way.
I'm not sure how to describe what happens in my mind in moments like that but the mob of thoughts that crowd in are a lot to contain. There’s a bit of humour and a fair sized WTF because it's nonsense and refreshed clarity, too. It's a reminder of who he is. There’s intrigue, a bit of anger and awe: the scale of the audacity is impressive and baffling.
And then I think about the mental gymnastics it must take to make that outrage feel valid and true and I feel confronted by all of the things that this pokes at.
But just remember, Margot; it isn't your fault and it's not your job to take it anymore.
Line drawn here. Phone hung-up.
And that was enough of him -for now.